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Nora
I own a bakery, and in order to drum up some business, I hire the local radio station to do a live action broadcast from my bakery.
I did not realize my mic was still on when my secret crush, hockey player Leo Lavinski, walks in, and I announce to the world (or to my entire small town of Whisker Hollow, which is about the same thing) that I am madly, crazily, captivatingly enchanted with him. With his biceps, to be exact. I really never noticed much else about him.
If that wasn’t bad enough, my bakery goes viral that very day because The Most Holy Trinity Baplicdist Free and Sovereign Church of Whisker Hollow declares my cupcakes to be R rated.
That should be a death sentence, but every millennial in the state of Virginia wants to get a few R rated cupcakes for themselves, and I find that I’m famous for all the wrong reasons.
I just want to go home to my apartment and cry, but I end up babysitting a parakeet and opening the door to find Leo standing in my doorway.
Leo
You ever watch someone’s life go off track so fast and so hard that you cringe and feel sorry for them even if the only thing they’ve ever noticed about you is your bulging biceps?
So, yeah, that’s how I end up standing at Nora’s door with my cat, who is a licensed therapy cat, thinking we might be able to cheer her up a bit. (Also, it was a little annoying to think that she never even noticed I had a head, or legs. Did she really only see my biceps?)
Anyway, she lets my cat and me in and I didn’t mean for this to happen, but after we have the most competitive paper airplane contest I’ve ever witnessed, we hatch a plan that might help get her life back on track. She asks what I’m getting out of our bargain, and all I can say is that I want the world to know I’m more than a set of bulging biceps, but what I really mean is, I want Nora to know that.
Zoey
I’m a voice actor. I know, you’ve probably never heard of that before, but I promise it’s a thing.
I specialize in sweet romance. So, I get to tell a great story, and also get to do all the fun, tingly parts, too, the parts that romance listeners love to hear. So, of course, I practice them – in the privacy of my apartment. Only, I guess the walls are a little thinner than I realized, because my new neighbor not only hears me, but he thinks I’m talking to him!
And he replies!
This is extremely awkward, because he’s just asked me out on a date, and I don’t even know what he looks like! We’re supposed to meet at the market downtown, and everything is going great until I see him – and realize he’s the officer who booked me last year at the animal rights rally where I might have gotten a little carried away and flung my sweater at him (which would have been fine if my friend hadn’t spilled chocolate milk on her shirt and I forgot I gave her mine, so I actually wasn’t wearing anything under my sweater and the officer – my current date and neighbor – booked me for indecent exposure, because he didn’t believe me when I said it was an accident.)
Can you say ghosted?
Except he’s so sweet and understanding through the walls of our apartment that I almost wish I could have a redo. Then my cat takes things into its own hands, uh, paws…
Pete
I’m a cop. That’s what I do. And I’m serious about it.
But I’d also really love to meet the face behind the beautiful voice I keep hearing from the other side of my apartment wall, so, while I know she’s not talking to me, I pretend a little, and ask her out.
Only she doesn’t show.
Maybe she realizes I’m a cop and doesn’t want to date a guy in blue. I’ve heard all the excuses.
But hearing her voice every night is a nice distraction, and one I allow myself after a particularly hard day on the job.
I’ve just about given up on her, but then the parakeet I’m babysitting takes matters into its own hands, uh, wings? And I end up coming face to face with indecent exposure/sweater throwing lady and I decide on the spot that everyone deserves a second chance. Now, if I can just convince the lady of the same.
Paula
I live in an apartment building with a bunch of other professionals. We’re not close, but we do see each other coming and going. Which makes things awkward when I realize my cat has stolen my neighbor’s ring. It looks expensive, too.
Well, there’s nothing to do but return it. Unfortunately, rather than apologizing with me, my cat shows no remorse, and returns from our foray with a credit card in her mouth.
Good night. This is really embarrassing. Who is going to believe me when I say my cat took their credit card? I don’t even believe me.
Cal
So, my neighbor tries to tell me that her cat loves the parakeet I’m babysitting and then she tops that whopper with another – her cat stole my credit card.
Wow. It’s amazing the lies people tell.
Then I see it for myself. The woman wasn’t joking.
So, what’s a good millennial to do but try to get videos of it and post them on social media? We agree that if we make any money off of them, we’ll split the profits right down the middle. And would you believe we’re soon one of the most popular accounts on BokBik? Well, not us. We made a joint account for our parakeet and cat.
I’m gonna be really disappointed when the ladies downstairs want their bird back. And not just because of the social media that I’ll be missing. Sometimes love steals up on you just when you think your heart is safely locked away.
© 2024 Jessie Gussman – All rights reserved.
